clinging

i am actually experiencing myself losing track of both straight ahead & horizontal & having to recalibrate & find it again all this without moving, just standing there.  this is not pathology, rather an interior experience of discovering that the nose is rotated off of 90 degrees to shoulder axis yet the cortical bureaucrat is stamping the form right on.

the eyes cling to some aspect of the visual as the head turns.  this time it is a dark green patch of short pine needles on that tree over there.  the interest clings to it as if a charismatic individual.  clinging to what it was looking at before.  clinging because our earliest ancestors clung to the mineral substrate from which they had emerged.  it is the first thing we did and do. 

we have become however free swimming spores of awareness, which we bring willy nilly where none has been before.  the opposite of clinging.  from clinging we have evolved to the opposite of clinging: exploration.

clinging modulated through the sensors of course like everything else.  all of the sensors cling.

nostalgia - the relative comfort of the immediate past moment gratefully survived, clinging to that image while the head turns & the scene changes with new problems & possibilities.  who, me?  asks the practitioner, momentarily attempting to deny that nostalgia happened, clinging to the memory as the new now rushes at the "me."

1.
today was a further exploration of the blood-rushing-from-head-starts-toward-black-&-tingly sequence.   for anyone some amount of time in bendover will produce brfh upon arising.  the drill is to have the feet pointed properly, toes spread, soles flat, ankles (how to describe?), knees bent, pelvis tilted, etc. all the way up to chin tucked, eyes 0,0,0.  stable position.

a trick is to move, do something through the black-tingly, make it go away faster. 

but if like today the purpose is to go into the brfh then take the stable position & let it roll.  today's interesting thing was a more advanced sequence than normal that seemed almost to produce that kind of retreat from the senses, the "tunnel," as the "me" begins to dim & turn itself off or goes to sleep or whatever, i think they call it "loss of consciousness."  i can see why people can think this stuff is dangerous, but no.  there is no danger at the edge of the cliff unless one is inclined to do stupid things.

2. today also an exploration of the front outer thigh muscles, technically vastus lateralis i think.  for decades in bendover all of the quads would "involuntarily" contract in knee-locked bendover.  i watched it happen.  then i learned how to uncontract them.  what it is is in bendover with the hamstrings stretched the quads are naturally shortened-contracted but they want to "help" by energetically contracting further.  that is not necessary, wasteful interference in the business of maintaining the balance point.  the hams are supposed to stay relaxed in the stretch, the quads can just lie there quietly & relax.  eventually i learned how to do that & was able to get closer to hanging in the balance point.

there is that side leg stretch that starts with a wide 0,0,0 stance, procees to bend the knee of one leg while "i" keep my hand at the toe of the straight leg: the straight adductor stretches, the joints of the bent leg reveal their limitations.  i experienced the quads of the straight leg sympathetically contracted through all the phases of the stretch.  attempting to relax the quads yielded success with the right leg & maybe 90% on the left with more difficulty, that outer left hamstring is really tight in the tendon (months, years).

3. knealing on live toes - keeping the other toes spread so they don't fold over, ready be dislocated.  very gradually the ability to move the toes separately begins to emerge.  burning joints.

4. that burny spot on the upper outer left foot is going away.