head position

the way proper head position seems to be taught in aikido is to advise me that my head is (always) in front of where its supposed to me and then to hit it with a stick next time its in the wrong place. the tight spot is all the way on the bottom of the neck, that spot is accustomed to the submissive position we learn from our cultures, when i put it closer to where its supposed to be there is a deep achy discomfort there, if i hold it through several breaths the discomfort spreads laterally toward the shoulders, if i continue to hold perhaps numbness starts to spread down the arms all the way to the fingers, different on one side than the other. so if i raise my arms above my head does my neck contract and squash down like turtle trying to disappear into my chest or do i effortfully pull it up & back and out of the way, eyes level, never looking away from the everything, warrior mode?

difficults: to go into various iterations of downlow while maintaining the 0,0,0 head position, burn felt at the pubic insertion of the still weak quad, verticals still in seeking, not yet attained. long moments of static seeking for the sweet angles. the head motion sequence while holding the sword motionless. if i stick the tip into a wall corner so it can't move then i can prove to myself that the shoulders are still while the head is moving.

to not look at the ground, at the weapon in the hand, at the partner on the other side of the weapon. all raisins in the pudding. edges sliding past each other revealing other edges. ocean of edges passing in and out of continuity.

walking & the head always wants to be forward, the eyes always want to look down. if i pull the head back & put the eyes where they belong (0,0,0 or perhaps more accurately 0,0,infinity?) the shoulders want to hunch up & foward. balance simple & available evidently only while passing through, always relative to something, usually gravity i guess.