Sunday, January 2, 2011

falling down stairs

last night i had occasion to remind myself that my left thigh bone sure seems to be 1/2" shorter than my right. no wonder like everything's always a bit off kilter, built in skew designed to promote imbalance and tendency to collapse. not going to be some minor remodeling of joint surfaces (left ankle eg). where am i going to get that correction other than from self absorbed nitpickery? yer head is 2 degrees off plumb reis, 1 degree rotated left, 1 degree tilted right, come on, get with it.

last night i saw layers in the dark. i see layers all over the place. its like waking up to a snow fall, all magic visual goes straight inside and explodes with a smile. layers. am feeling getting better at keeping the eyes still and zeroed through any kind of movement. the attention, eh, pretty good i guess, no point in saying anything positive about any of that, would just set up for the next failure in near future. but you know how it is, soon as you grab the attention there you are watching yourself grab the attention, etc. but never mind, gotta work with what there is anyway, maybe some time you get lucky, figure something out.

this year i want to work on falling down stairs: correct ways to do that. im going to start rolling & falling on hard & uneven surfaces, cramped spaces.

want tos and have tos. a life without shoulds.

they've been giving me compliments at the dojo. scary. there is this enhanced intergratedness underneath the ignorance. i found a "formula" sort of for mirror imaging the teacher in warmup, feel that starting to come for the tech demonstrations. feel justified that i repressed cortical learning of the names, recipes, etc. like slide forward, hand such, pivot, step back, etc. & concentrated on sub-basics.

starting to do rolls on hard surfaces. my rolls still have lumps in them.

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