8/19/2010
indiscreate in the streat
ive got an itch someone else has to scratch
i cant reach it someone else has to scratch
ive got an itch it itches it itches
i cant itch it someone else has to scratch
if she doesn't want to im not going to make her
what would be the point might as well do it myself
if she doesn't want to im not going to make her
she doesn't want to thats not my problem
my problem is my itchy itch thats not her problem
go ask her what her problem is
hey
if she doesn't want to im not going to make her
what the point of that
im not going to make her
she would have to want to
as much as i do
much as i do
do do do
hey
itch itch itch someone else has to scratch
i cant reach it someone else has to scratch
itch itch itch year after year
room of wanting, hall of wanting
mountain of wanting
planet of wanting
im not going to make her im not going to make her
im not going to ask her cause i know that she knows
how do i know? i told her, i told her
im not going to ask her itch itch itch
hot wind blowing from across the sea
mating surface rusted shut
hot salt dust on the window pane
swollen river under high steel bridge
looking around for a different view
foot in door, foot in shoe
im not going to ask her any more
hand in glove, foot in door
Saturday, August 21, 2010
roadless way (poiltics)
8/21/2010
Today's question: does your local government have a policy on how it would declare an emergency, what that would mean, how that would be implemented, etc.?
Of course it does. How about please go check out your own personal local government and ask them about that and report back to, like, you know, me. OK?
This question does not, I think, relate to partisan considerations, pure reportage rather. Y'all go get that information, pull out the important stuff, send it to me, I'll post it. Go. Do.
Today's question: does your local government have a policy on how it would declare an emergency, what that would mean, how that would be implemented, etc.?
Of course it does. How about please go check out your own personal local government and ask them about that and report back to, like, you know, me. OK?
This question does not, I think, relate to partisan considerations, pure reportage rather. Y'all go get that information, pull out the important stuff, send it to me, I'll post it. Go. Do.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
arm bone connected to the eye bone
while i was doing the eye movement set I turned my eyes through the horizontal to the left and when i got to the end numbness started in my left neck and arm all the way down to my left thumb and pointer finger exactly like when i took that fall wrong 2 weeks ago though of course not as much. i found that i can reproduce it without fail. it obviously indicates some recruitment through the facial and neck muscles that i am not yet aware of.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
central issues and peripheral issues
8/4/2010
Maybe 3 days ago I suddenly grokked the separate visual fields of each eye and imagined/discerned the individual cones. Further realized parallax issues, have managed to "see the layers" in more situations, etc. kind of "progress." This morning I found my "self" consistently unable to "see layers" in the horizontal head turn. The eyes wanted to lead, the desire body wanted to look at things. Some number of tries, each a failure of some magnitude. Somewhere else to go.
Then shomens. Some number of reps, saw the layers in some, did not stomp in some, kept the feet in the correct zones in some, kept my shoulders down in some, breathed right in all of them, reasonable posture, acceptable externals, all of them weak, only one of them seriously close to vertical. Wobbles not too bad. Overall maybe C, C-.
I used the word Grok in conversation with Jonny. He understood it immediately even though he had not read Stranger in a Strange Land.
The motto that keeps coming up in working with this "different way of looking" is "without fear or favor." As if I am always looking beyond the supposed external thing of interest, allowing it to be in its matrix of equally interesting associated things. Without fear or favor the female human of given physical & chemical conformation, the food, the fun, the cop, the thug, the boss, the kid, the speed of events happening, the weapon, the bad situation, the angry dog, the 5 of them, the wrong place at wrong time, the end, the what i want to do, the what i have to do.
Maybe 3 days ago I suddenly grokked the separate visual fields of each eye and imagined/discerned the individual cones. Further realized parallax issues, have managed to "see the layers" in more situations, etc. kind of "progress." This morning I found my "self" consistently unable to "see layers" in the horizontal head turn. The eyes wanted to lead, the desire body wanted to look at things. Some number of tries, each a failure of some magnitude. Somewhere else to go.
Then shomens. Some number of reps, saw the layers in some, did not stomp in some, kept the feet in the correct zones in some, kept my shoulders down in some, breathed right in all of them, reasonable posture, acceptable externals, all of them weak, only one of them seriously close to vertical. Wobbles not too bad. Overall maybe C, C-.
I used the word Grok in conversation with Jonny. He understood it immediately even though he had not read Stranger in a Strange Land.
The motto that keeps coming up in working with this "different way of looking" is "without fear or favor." As if I am always looking beyond the supposed external thing of interest, allowing it to be in its matrix of equally interesting associated things. Without fear or favor the female human of given physical & chemical conformation, the food, the fun, the cop, the thug, the boss, the kid, the speed of events happening, the weapon, the bad situation, the angry dog, the 5 of them, the wrong place at wrong time, the end, the what i want to do, the what i have to do.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
dont have to
passing by the garage door and there is the cat sitting there on the other side of the door, sees my body, our eyes meet, she throws an emotion at me and a plea "i want to come in" i am supposed to respond emotionally, to say to myself "aw, gee," to feel the flip of the gut, to feel shame for standing there in the presence of a fellow creature in need, to hate my "self" for my uncaring and selfish attitude, to long for the comforting feeling of giving that creature what it wants, to open the garage door. i am convinced that i know that i dont have to have an opinion of all that and to do anything in particular about it. she wants something, i want something, big fat so what.
restless feeling has put things in my way
peripheral awarenesses - focused looking: like i am at the base of the cone looking toward the apex. it is always moving, i can never see it clear enough, it is too small, look hard enough (brows lower, head moves forward, shoulders hunch) it disappears. atoms dissolve into spin. the "other way" is to place the desire at the tip of the cone and expand the looking outward toward the base. everything is there. hard to maintain. now go forward, observe the layers slide past each other, maintain the balance, the foot relations, torso like blade passing through sweet zone, no wobble. like that. i ended up passing through about 15 minutes practicing single sliding step with other foot follow up and vertical strike. Shomen uchi. maybe 75 reps, fast & slow. had a few better ones in that set. no i can't walk and chew gum at the same time. not well. working on it.
silent walking - trying to make the floor not squeak as i go. there is a map of noise spots on the floor like puddles to go around. sliding the feet forward in the zone between contact and not contact where the turbulence dies down, foot goes through like sword without bumps, every step a poem that doesn't quite hit. keep trying, many more steps to take. i tell my "self."
always return - always the other side, always going away. all ways. where am i? what am i doing? is that what i want to do?
silent walking - trying to make the floor not squeak as i go. there is a map of noise spots on the floor like puddles to go around. sliding the feet forward in the zone between contact and not contact where the turbulence dies down, foot goes through like sword without bumps, every step a poem that doesn't quite hit. keep trying, many more steps to take. i tell my "self."
always return - always the other side, always going away. all ways. where am i? what am i doing? is that what i want to do?
Sunday, July 25, 2010
dessert
i dont deserve caffeine she said. caffeine and deserve dont go together i said. caffeine and want go together. thats what i think.
i get mixed up with the wants and the shoulds, creates dissonance, i feel bad, then i own my bad feeling, then i rationalize that i "deserve" to feel bad, then i can redeem myself through victimhood. i live in my emotional comfort zone, surrounded by my shell of normal thought processes.
i want to go toward the authentic expression. like running in darkness. swimming in darkness. underwater where is the balance? what is the direction? would i recognize a reference point if one presented itself? would i notice it?
i get mixed up with the wants and the shoulds, creates dissonance, i feel bad, then i own my bad feeling, then i rationalize that i "deserve" to feel bad, then i can redeem myself through victimhood. i live in my emotional comfort zone, surrounded by my shell of normal thought processes.
i want to go toward the authentic expression. like running in darkness. swimming in darkness. underwater where is the balance? what is the direction? would i recognize a reference point if one presented itself? would i notice it?
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