Wednesday, August 4, 2010

central issues and peripheral issues

Maybe 3 days ago I suddenly grokked the separate visual fields of each eye and imagined/discerned the individual cones. Further realized parallax issues, have managed to "see the layers" in more situations, etc. kind of "progress." This morning I found my "self" consistently unable to "see layers" in the horizontal head turn. The eyes wanted to lead, the desire body wanted to look at things. Some number of tries, each a failure of some magnitude. Somewhere else to go.

Then shomens. Some number of reps, saw the layers in some, did not stomp in some, kept the feet in the correct zones in some, kept my shoulders down in some, breathed right in all of them, reasonable posture, acceptable externals, all of them weak, only one of them seriously close to vertical. Wobbles not too bad. Overall maybe C, C-.

I used the word Grok in conversation with Jonny. He understood it immediately even though he had not read Stranger in a Strange Land.

The motto that keeps coming up in working with this "different way of looking" is "without fear or favor." As if I am always looking beyond the supposed external thing of interest, allowing it to be in its matrix of equally interesting associated things. Without fear or favor the female human of given physical & chemical conformation, the food, the fun, the cop, the thug, the boss, the kid, the speed of events happening, the weapon, the bad situation, the angry dog, the 5 of them, the wrong place at wrong time, the end, the what i want to do, the what i have to do.

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